human behaviour

Choose Constructive Emotions (and don’t forget your greatest asset) (7)

© Sergey Khakimullin | Dreamstime.com

“The old saying “opposites attract” is often true. The difficulty is once they marry they drive each other crazy.”

― Dr. Steven Stephens


Reading time: 15 mins

In this final post on constructive emotions it might be useful to remind ourselves that the way we experience and process our feelings and emotions is quite different for men and women, boys and girls. When it comes to general, emotional awareness however, we all appear to have far more in common than the traits that can set us apart.

There are key differences in how we manage and react to feelings adjusted through the lens of our emotions. The way we manage them is so different in fact, that we frequently appear to be a different species to our opposite sex. (Why does he go silent? Why does she never shut up?) We need to be cognizant of these differences if we are to make headway in our relationships and our quest for a more constructive emotional life.

Needless to say, in our current climate of gender politics it’s a bit of a minefield; the mainstream media, social scientists and cultural commentators pore over the latest data and put it through the meat-grinder of ideological bias and belief. Despite this, from most people’s experiences on the ground, men and women do have different ways of coping and expressing their emotional world which is probably leaning towards a dominance of genes and biology and environment/sociocultural influences playing a part. How large a part we are not yet sure. One thing is certain, as the role of biology and epigenetics attains its rightful place as a key driver in gender differences the power of suggestion and cultural inculcation shouldn’t be underestimated.

Although we live in a culture that appears to be pushing the ideology that there are no differences and male and female is just a social construct, anyone who has had any relationships, partnerships and marriages will tell you that men and women are hardwired to process emotions in different ways. Yet, we seldom remember this dimension when in the midst of row or the inevitable misunderstandings at work. Undoubtedly cultural influences and a host of personal experiences play a big part, but these differences appear to have an even larger biological component that stretches back thousands of years to our hunter-gatherer ancestors and beyond.

Such evaluations and their conclusions don’t fit well with those invested in feminism and “gender fluid” beliefs since it dilutes the idea that it’s all about stereotypes or the “patriarchal system of oppression.” Ideologues don’t like being reminded that there are compelling arguments pointing to biology as a powerful reason for gender differences with their roots in survival and tribal cohesion. Gender does indeed matter but not to create divisions, rather to help us work together, much like the two hemispheres of the brain – If our brains were only given the chance.

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Official Culture Reprise VI: Moving Away From the Psychopath’s Dream (3)

 “No science is immune from the infection of politics and the corruption of power.”

Jacob Bronowski, English scientist


The reader might be tempted to think that I’ve invested in my own belief system by placing the all the world’s problems at the door of the essential psychopath. While it is true that I think the majority of our struggles have at their root a great psychological component it could also be said that beyond this “nuts and bolts” cause is the more profound conundrum of how we perceive reality and the human constructs we have erected around it. One might say, at heart, all of our problems are ultimately of a spiritual nature.

The very word “Spirituality” – rather like “conspiracy”- will have loaded connotations for all of us. For some it means all that is outside science and therefore, to be distrusted. For others it has religious or New Age connotations. Still more cite indifference or become uncomfortable at the mere mention of the word. Most people however, while not necessarily believing in a religious God, do place value on the idea of our existence having purpose where getting along with others is a prerequisite for the betterment of one’s life. Some would say this has more to do with reflecting insecurity and fear of death rather than any true belief in a Universal purpose, but this misses the point.

The key principle enshrined in the notion of spirituality is one of establishing growth which moves toward harmony in oneself and thus as a natural consequence, those we meet in our daily lives. It need be as simple as that, although in practice is anything but. But when things begin to slowly – usually very slowly – change, then so does the external world. But Or as the ancient Taoist mystic Lao Tzu succinctly put it: “When you accept yourself, the whole world accepts you.” Self-acceptance only comes when we have divested ourselves of the majority of conditioning however, and that is something that the controllers of our world definitely do not want to see.

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Official Culture Reprise V: Moving Away From the Psychopath’s Dream (2)

“The conflict between the need to be accurate and the desire to feel good about ourselves is one of the major battlegrounds of the self, and how this battle is waged and how it is won, are central determinants of who we are and how we feel about ourselves.”

Timothy D. Wilson, Stranger to Ourselves, Discovering the Adaptive Unconscious


Saven dreijausta, keramiikkataiteen osasto

We are work in progress…  Aalto University Commons

To begin extricating ourselves from Official Culture and the parallel process of healing our emotions from its effects, we need to understand how diluted forms of ponerological influences work through us in often subtle ways. To do so means that you act in favour of what is true, the efforts of which can help to counter what is false and subjective. But this can only be effective if we are not driven by our emotional reactions where we identify with the object of our defence as a means to displace the inner-work that has yet to begin deep inside. It is that lack of awareness that makes negative influence so effective and which offers up more chaos to those who can harvest it.

No lasting action for change can have any effect at all until we have set about changing ourselves so we embody that which we would like to see in the external world. It seems it cannot come before. Once greater numbers of people take personal responsibility for their own self growth and if requested, assist others in doing the same then perhaps a more balanced reality can emerge, not just for the recipient but eventually for the whole community of which he is a part.

Which sector of society we are born into, which country and our very genetic inheritance may determine how we respond to psychopathic influence. It means we must recognise that in order to have any hope at all for future generations to break out of these Empire cycles we must address the deep, core reasons for the continual emergence of Pathocratic dynamics rather than combating its effects. That necessarily begins on our own doorstep, otherwise we merely project our own frustrations and hurts onto the Pathocrats as convenient repositories for all our unresolved issues.

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